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Bleach Lists

Got a list request? A comment? A question? Visit my Ask Blog!

293 notes

When you should name your cat after a Bleach character: a handy guide


Author’s choice list. :)


Thinking about naming your new cat after a Bleach character but aren’t sure which one? Just consult this handy guide!


1. Name your cat Ichigo if…

He is fluffy, orange, and fierce.

If your new kitty goes after dangerous string and fierce fake mice without regard for his own safety, he might be an Ichigo kitty.


2. Name your cat Hichigo if…

He is fluffy, white, fierce, and a little evil.

Bonus if he likes to loom over you while you’re sleeping so you wake up to find his face hovering just above yours.


3. Name your cat Riruka if…

She likes to steal your stuffed animals.

If you discover that your cat likes to carry away your stuffed animals for her stuffed animal hoard, she might be a Riruka kitty.


4. Name your cat Giselle if…

She likes playing with dead mice just a little too much.

Especially if she likes to bring them to you to admire.


5. Name your cat Starrk if…

He sleeps. Just, all the time.

Bonus if you also own a tiny kitten named Lilinette who always wants Starrk to wake up and play.


6. Name your cat Yamamoto if…

His eyebrow whiskers are really long.

Bonus if he is old but still occasionally playful.


7. Name your cat Rukia if…

You just can’t keep her out of your closet.

It is her favorite place to sleep.


8. Name your cat Orihime if…

She is fluffy, orange, and likes to eat the weirdest things.

You never knew a cat who loved pineapple and water chestnut juice…until Orihime kitty.


9. Name your cat Grimmjow if…

He is fierce but kinda bad at catching things.

He also HATES closed doors. Just paws and paws at them while meowing sadly.


10. Name your cat Yoruichi if…

She is fast, black, sleek and chill.

And when she doesn’t want to be found, you can never find her.


11. Name your cat Haschwalth if…

His coat is long, sleek, and gorgeous.

Seriously, this cat’s coat is one of the prettiest you’ve ever seen.


12. Name your cat Ukitake if…

His coat his long, sleek, gorgeous, and he likes to bring you presents.

Toys, papers, bits of fluff…Ukitake kitty just wants to make sure you feel appreciated. 


13. Name your cat Kurotsuchi if…

Your cat is really creepy.

Like, he just seems to be watching you, all the time. Plotting your demise, probably.


14. Name your cat Shinji if…

He likes to roll over onto his back all the time.

And he is very friendly with new people. Especially ladies.


15. Name your cat Loly if…

She does not play well with others.

Loly is very territorial and prone to attack. Especially if anyone dares to talk to you.


16. Name your cat Kenpachi if…

He is large and always in play mode.

Kitty Kenpachi is always ready to attack! Also he gets trapped in closets a lot. Not because the door is closed or anything. He just can’t find his way out.


17. Name your cat Chad if…

He is large and never meows.

Sure loves to cuddle, though.


18. Name your cat Byakuya if…

He is standoffish and likes to groom himself.

Kitty Byakuya always wants to look his best.


19. Name your cat Hitsugaya if…

He is perpetually tiny, white, and likes to sleep on your paperwork.

He’s helping!


20. Name your cat Renji if…

He is actually a dog.

I don’t know how you got confused about that.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Ichigo Hichigo Renji Hitsugaya Byakuya Chad Rukia Orihime Riruka Giselle Haschwalth Ukitake Shinji Kenpachi Yamamoto Starrk Grimmjow Yoruichi Loly Kurotsuchi

80 notes

As Nodt and Giselle argue about who’s scarier


As requested by anon. :)


As Nodt: This argument seems ridiculous to me.

As Nodt: I am Stern Ritter F. The “F” stands for “Fear.”

As Nodt: I am, by definition, the scariest of the Stern Ritter.

As Nodt: That’s kinda my whole identity so

Giselle: Yeaaaaaah…….except no one’s scared of you!

Giselle: You lost ‘cause your fear didn’t work on your opponent!

As Nodt: IT WASN’T MY FAULT THAT SHE COULD MAKE HERSELF DEAD

As Nodt: It worked on everybody else, so it still counts!

Giselle: You mean….it worked on Kuchiki Byakuya that one time?

Giselle: I dunno that that really “counts” for anything.

Giselle: You know what’s scary? Zombies!

Giselle: To normal people, anyway.

Giselle: Personally I think they’re sexy, but that might just be me!

As Nodt: It’s, uh, definitely just you.

As Nodt: And zombies might be scary…if they weren’t so common.

As Nodt: Between Yamamoto and you and Kurotsuchi, the market’s kinda over-saturated with zombies.

As Nodt: It’s less “Eek! A zombie!” and more “Oh geeze, another zombie?”

Giselle: …

As Nodt: My truth has silenced you!

Giselle: I just can’t believe you said the word “eek.” Who does that?

As Nodt: Everybody when they see me!

Giselle: …

As Nodt: Some people! Maybe! Hypothetically!

Giselle: Yeah…..you just try too hard!

Giselle: I think fear works better when it’s unexpected!

Giselle: I don’t go around labeling myself “The Fear.”

Giselle: I just frighten people.

As Nodt: Uh….but just look at you?

As Nodt: I have a spiky face mask, that covers my scary lipless face!

As Nodt: You have none of that! 

Giselle: I don’t need it. 

Giselle: Accessories mean you’re not really scary at your core.

Giselle: I have bangs that look kinda like antennae and a creepy smile, and that’s all I need!

As Nodt: MY SMILE IS CREEPIER! I HAVE NO LIPS!

As Nodt: Look! I’ll prove it!

As Nodt: Hello Hisagi Shuheii.

Hisagi: Gah! A sea anemone! 

Giselle: Oh, whatever. Watch this!

Giselle: Hiiiii, Hisagi!

Hisagi: GAH THE GIRL WHO TURNED ALL MY FRIENDS INTO ZOMBIES

As Nodt: …

As Nodt: Yes I am a sea anemone and I have been sent by the ocean to kill you Hisagi Shuhei.

Hisagi: I KNEW IT WOULD HAPPEN ONE DAY

Giselle: I can make zombie sea anemones!

Hisagi: WHAT

Giselle: They never sleep or stop trying to eat your brains!

Hisagi: WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME

As Nodt: At least those are small! Look at me, Hisagi Shuhei! I am a giant sea anemone! And I have no lips!

Hisagi: OH MY GOD HOW ARE YOU ENUNCIATING THINGS

Giselle: What makes you think zombie sea anemone can’t be….giant?

Hisagi: THAT’S IT I’M OUT OF HERE

Giselle: …

As Nodt: …

Giselle: Okay but he was definitely more scared of me.

As Nodt: He was not.

Giselle: Was too!

As Nodt: Maybe we should ask him?

Giselle: Oooh, good idea!

As Nodt: HISAGI WAIT UP

Hisagi: WHY CAN’T YOU PEOPLE LEAVE ME ALONE

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists As Nodt Giselle Hisagi

158 notes

Yoruichi and Byakuya switch bodies


As requested by anon. :)


Byakuya: Demon cat, what has happened?

Byakuya: One moment you were tormenting me, and the next moment, you suddenly look exactly like me.

Byakuya: And you are standing where I, previously, was standing.

Byakuya: What demon cat magic is this?

Yoruichi: I think you should look down, Byakuya boy!

Byakuya: …

Byakuya: I appear to have…boobs?

Byakuya: And my noble black hair is now…purple?

Byakuya: My legs are very long. 

Byakuya: The tights show off their excellent shape.

Byakuya: …

Byakuya: I have turned into you.

Yoruichi: Yup, this seems to be a body swap situation! You’re in my body, and and I’m in yours, Byakuya-boy!

Yoruichi: Or should I say [mimicking Byakuya’s tone] “demon cat.”

Byakuya: Do not call me that!

Byakuya: No matter what my outward appearance, I am still myself. And not you.

Yoruichi: I had no idea my voice could sound that flat and expressionless!

Byakuya: And I did not know my voice could inflect so much. I do not like it.

Yoruichi: Wanna hear yourself sing a silly song?

Byakuya: No.

Yoruichi: “WHEN I WAS A YOUNG WART HOG!”

Byakuya: DEMON CAT THERE COULD BE WITNESSES STOP THAT

Byakuya: We must find a way to return to our normal bodies immediately.

Byakuya: Squad 4 is probably not equipped to handle such an event. Squad 12 is, but they will probably turn us into zombies as well. That is currently their “thing,” as Renji would say.

Byakuya: What about your Urahara Kisuke? Could he help?

Yoruichi: Probably if anyone could, he could!

Yoruichi: But Byakuya-boy, come on! Do you really want to switch back immediately? Aren’t you curious?

Yoruichi: You could experience life as me!

Yoruichi: Don’t you want to finally win a race?

Byakuya: I can win a race in my own body.

Yoruichi: Ha! Sure you could, Byakuya-boy!

Yoruichi: Let’s just set some parameters, okay? And then have fun!

Yoruichi: First - nudity. On or off the table?

Byakuya: My nude body is not for you to see.

Yoruichi: Off the table then. Pity.

Yoruichi: You realize that this means you can’t peek at me either, right?

Byakuya: I do not see why I would wish to do so.

Yoruichi: Oh really? You aren’t curious? Not at all? ‘Cause I think teenage Byakuya would kill you if he heard you refusing!

Byakuya: You are not taking this seriously. A common trend with you. It is imperative that we return to our normal bodies.

Yoruichi: …..why, exactly?

Byakuya: I am a captain. I have responsibilities.

Yoruichi: I’ll handle them!

Yoruichi: Just watch!

Yoruichi: [adopts serious pose. Flips hair] Renji. Come.

Yoruichi: [switching back to normal tone] Eh? Eh?

Byakuya: [twitches]

Byakuya: No.

Yoruichi: Wait, wait, I’ll get it this time!

Yoruichi: [adopts serious pose] My pride says that we should go this way.

Byakuya: I do not sound like that!

Yoruichi: Ooooh, do you want to actually be good at stand-up?

Byakuya: …what?

Yoruichi: You know how you keep trying to tell jokes but they don’t go over well because, uh, obvious reasons…..with me in your body, you would be a comedy powerhouse!

Byakuya: How?

Yoruichi: Through the magic of changing expressions and actually being funny!

Byakuya: That does not sound like me.

Yoruichi: Exactly!

Byakuya: Except for the being funny part.

Yoruichi: Uh-huh.

Yoruichi: Okay, okay. You AT LEAST want to mess with people a little, right?

Yoruichi: Abarai….Ichigo….Rukia….it will be so much fun!

Byakuya: Demon cat, enough!

Byakuya: I do not wish to “mess” with people. I do not wish to be a “comedy powerhouse.” I do not wish to EVER see you try to do hair flips like me again!

Byakuya: I want to return to my own body! Immediately!

Yoruichi: Byakuya-boy, you might want to calm down before-

Byakuya: The time for calm is past! It is now time to go to Urahara Kisuke and demand that he turn us back before anyone sees us!

Byakuya: It is time to- [vanishes in cloud of smoke]

Yoruichi: Turn into a cat?

Byakuya (in cat form): …

Byakuya (in cat form): …

Byakuya (in cat form): I appear to be a cat now.

Yoruichi: Want some tuna?

Byakuya: (in cat form): Yes. But I am not happy about that.

Yoruichi: Well, now you’re a cat. You can get away with that!

Byakuya (in cat form): Today has been the worst.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Byakuya Yoruichi

155 notes

Soi Fon looks for her hair rings


As requested by anon. :)


Youruichi has hidden Soi Fon’s hair rings as a prank! Soi Fon does not know this. She is determined to get them back - by interrogating anyone she thinks is a likely subject!


1. Omaeda

Soi Fon: Omaeda, if you do not tell me right now where you have hidden my hair rings, I will find the strongest Quincy, and I will send you into battle against them. Alone.

Omaeda: C-Captain! You wouldn’t!

Soi Fon: Look into my face and tell me that I would not.

Omaeda: I don’t have your hair rings!

Soi Fon: …

Soi Fon: I believe you.

Omaeda: Thank you!

Soi Fon: You are far too much of a coward to hold out for even these few seconds.

Omaeda: Thanks?


2. Yachiru

Soi Fon: Yachiru, did you take my hair rings?

Yachiru: Nope!

Soi Fon: I will give you this enormous piece of candy if you tell me where my hair rings are.

Yachiru (suddenly holding Soi Fon’s candy): Nope!

Soi Fon: …

Soi Fon: If had you taken them, what would you have done with them?

Yachiru: Ummmm…made them into an art installation for Ukitake, probably!

Soi Fon: I am making progress.


3. Ukitake

Soi Fon: Any new art installations?

Ukitake: Excuse me?

Soi Fon: Has any new art suddenly appeared on your land, possibly involving two hair rings that belong to me?

Ukitake: Not that I know of!

Ukitake: The only mysterious unexplained art is this giant koi statue made entirely out of scarves!

Soi Fon: …

Soi Fon: So she has been busy stealing from Byakuya. I see.

Ukitake: I’m sorry - who has been stealing from Byakuya??

Soi Fon: Never mind. I have to go.


4. Urahara

Soi Fon: If you had to defeat the Quincy using only two hair rings, how would you do it?

Urahara: Hmmmm….I think in that case I would bang them together and yell for Kurosaki, ha ha!

Urahara: Why do you ask?

Soi Fon: I am cleverly determining whether or not you stole my hair rings as some sort of ridiculous plot against the Quincy.

Urahara: Um okay but now that you told me your plan it’s not going to…

Urahara: ….

Urahara: You’re about to lock me in a kido box, aren’t you?

Soi Fon: Yes.

Urahara: I didn’t take your hair rings!

Soi Fon: I don’t have time to worry about a small detail like that.


5. Kiyone

Soi Fon: Did you steal my hair rings in a ridiculous act of revenge for my trying to execute you by stomping on your chest so long ago?

Kiyone: Um….no. My schedule is pretty much 100% stalking my captain.

Soi Fon: Yes that tracks.


6. Grimmjow

Soi Fon: You will return my hair rings, espada, or I will kill you.

Grimmjow: I have no idea what you’re talking about, but if you want to fight, then stop talking and let’s fight!

Grimmjow: But, uh, what am I supposed to have stolen?

Soi Fon: My hair rings.

Grimmjow: Why the hell would I take hair rings?

Soi Fon: You are a cat. Cat enjoy things that they can roll around and play with. Like my hair rings.

Soi Fon: You probably have some sort of stash of stolen kitty toys, don’t you?

Soi Fon: IF YOU HAVE HARMED MY HAIR RINGS BY YOUR INCESSANT BATTING, I WILL EXECUTE YOU

Grimmjow: THERE HAS BEEN NO BATTING AT ALL WHAT IS EVEN GOING ON


7. Ggio

Soi Fon: Arrancar, did your misplaced love for me cause you to steal my hair rings as some sort of pathetic trophy?

Ggio: WHOA. Whoa. Whoa.

Ggio: There is so much wrong with that statement that I don’t even know where to start!

Ggio: First of all, how are trophies pathetic? Trophies mean you won. And winning is awesome! Something I know because I have won in the past! 

Soi Fon: …that’s where you start?


8. Shinji

Soi Fon: Hirako, you are a visored.

Soi Fon: That means that you are shifty, prone to crime, and evil to your core.

Shinji: Uh

Soi Fon: So did you steal my hair rings? 

Shinji: Is this how you flirt or….?

Soi Fon: WHAT PART OF THIS SEEMS LIKE FLIRTING?!


9. Hitsugaya

Soi Fon: Hitsugaya, did you steal my hair rings?

Hitsugaya: Why on earth would you possibly suspect me?

Soi Fon: You are just so tiny.

Soi Fon: How can I trust you?

Hitsugaya: YOU’RE tiny!

Soi Fon: That sounds like something a guilty person would say.

Hitsugaya: PUT DOWN YOUR ZANPAKUTO OH MY GOD


10. Aizen

Soi Fon: Stealing petty objects is beneath you.

Aizen: Thanks for letting me know.

Soi Fon: Nevertheless, it hard to imagine any crime that does not have you as its source.

Aizen: Thanks.

Soi Fon: Sorry, I misspoke.

Soi Fon: It used to be hard to imagine any crime without you as its source.

Soi Fon: Anyway I’m going to go chat with the Quincy.

Aizen: DID YOU COME BY JUST TO MESS WITH ME


11. Bazz-B

Soi Fon: Speak. Who among your number would steal hair rings?

Bazz-B: Uh, nobody? Why would anybody bother?

Soi Fon: What about Haschwalth? He has hair.

Bazz-B: Yes, silky hair that flows in the breeze like a magic river.

Bazz-B: No way he’d ruin the silky river with braiding!

Soi Fon: …

Bazz-B: What?


12. Yoruichi

Yoruichi: Soi Fon! I can’t believe you haven’t asked me yet!

Soi Fon: Yoruichi-sama, why would I accuse you?

Soi Fon: After all of the pain you put me through as a child, after our emotional fight and reconciliation, after my century of doubting you was finally put to rest….there is no way that you would once again betray my trust with a petty theft.

Yoruichi: …

Yoruichi: …

Yoruichi: S-so true!

Yoruichi: By the way I saw your hair rings in your office I think maybe under some papers or something you should check that in like ten minutes but first enjoy the air a little bit and then check anyway gotta go

Soi Fon: …

Soi Fon: …

Soi Fon: Yoruchi-sama fixes everything! 

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Soi Fon Yoruichi Omaeda Yachiru Ukitake Bazz-B Grimmjow Ggio Kiyone Aizen Hitsugaya Shinji Urahara

115 notes

What kind of parent BLG would be (if Bleach Lists is any indication)


As requested by thehashslingingslasher-2k14. :)


In the parent series, we speculate about what kinds of parents Bleach characters would make, based entirely on their behavior in Bleach. But what about me, Bleach Lists Girl (BLG)? If I became a parent, what - based on my blog - sort of parent would I be?


1. Everything would be done according to a schedule.

Because I tend to be slightly too enthusiastic about my blog’s schedule.

BLG: Meals will be served every six hours, 24 hours a day!

Kid: Okay but counter idea - waking up to eat a fourth meal at midnight is super weird.

BLG: But it’s a schedule


2. I would enjoy doing (a limited number of) favors for my kids.

This blog is almost entirely list-based, and so is basically me fulfilling requests from followers. Naturally, as a parent, I would enjoy fulfilling my kids’ requests - up to a point. ‘Cause, you know, only three favors a day. Any more would be weird.

Kid: Mom! Can you help me braid my hair?

BLG: Sorry! I already accepted three other requests today, so…

Kid: …

BLG: B-but maybe I could  make an exception just this once!


3. There would be a bit too much apologizing

I admittedly spend a lot of time apologizing for times when I, say, can’t write a list that day.

BLG: I am SO SORRY that I didn’t make a broccoli casserole as I promised!

Kid (eating the pizzas that was just delivered): Yes, my heart is weeping with sadness.

BLG: I KNEW IT


4. All of my answers would be too long

Kids like to ask questions. But my answers to those questions? Slightly too long.

Kid: Mom, why is the sky blue?

BLG: Hmm….let me see if I can come up with ten possible answers…

Kid: Or we could look it up on the internet.

BLG: It’s cute that you think the truth is more important than a list.


5. I would show my love by teasing my kids

‘Cause when it comes to Bleach characters, you can tell which ones I like the best by how much I make fun of them.

Kid: …

Other kid: Oh? Did your mom leave a note in your lunch box? What does it say?

Kid: It told me to be careful that I don’t poke myself in the eye with my string cheese.

Kid: I did that ONE TIME like THREE YEARS AGO

Kid: BUT SHE WON’T STOP MAKING JOKES ABOUT IT


6. I would encourage them to fight.

B-because fights are so cool….I mostly watch Bleach for the fights…

Kid: And I’m so afraid that high school will have bullies!

BLG: I understand.

BLG: And that’s why I got you this GIANT AND VERY SHARP SWORD

Kid: Mom no

BLG: Mom yes!


7. I would have their lives planned too far in advance

Much like my blog schedule is planned out down to the hour far in advance.

BLG: And at 2pm on the first Tuesday of next month, you will eat pizza.

Kid: Uh, maybe. I guess.

BLG: Um I have it written down so it’s definitely happening.


8. I would always be up for letting my kids talk about their crushes

Since a lot of my blog is devoted to shipping lists.

BLG: So! Who are you thinking of asking to the dance?

Kid: If I tell you, are you going to come up with extended scenarios about how the entire relationship might go?

BLG: Yes. Yes I will.


9. I would sometimes be less serious than I should be

I write a humor blog, and even when the topic is, say, a character dying, I try my hardest to make it funny.

Kid: Mom…the class bunny, Mr. Floof-Fluff, died today.

BLG: I see.

BLG: So it’s a black humor sort of thing, then?

Kid: MR. FLOOF-FLUFF’S DEATH IS NOT A JOKING MATTER, MOM

BLG: But I like a challenge!


10. Just - too many lists

Lists are my (blog) life.

Kid: Mom! Can I go to an unsupervised party?

BLG: Here are 10 reasons why you super cannot.

Kid: YOU CAN JUST SAY NO, MOM

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists BLG

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Karakura Town headlines in the Bleachverse


As requested by anon. :)


What must the newspapers be like in Karakura Town, given all the weird shit that goes down there? Here are some sample headlines!


1. FAMILY SURVIVES TRUCK BEING DRIVEN INTO HOUSE

The Kurosaki family was woken up this morning by a truck being driven into their house. Luckily - there were no injuries. Also no truck, but probably it got taken away or something.


2. ANOTHER GAS EXPLOSION ROCKS KARAKURA TOWN

The third gas explosion this week has residents wondering - are these accidents or acts of terror?


3. PUBLIC DEMAND ANSWERS FOR CONSTANT GAS EXPLOSIONS

“Are they actually using exploding gas because it’s starting to feel that way like seriously,” one irate resident told reporters.


4. GAS EXPLOSIONS BLAMED ON FAULTY PIPES

“We can’t find the faulty pipes yet, but that must be what it is,” an insider at the gas company said. “At this point it’s either that or invisible monsters.” Then he twitched.


5. DON KANONJI COMING TO KARAKURA TOWN

The TV superstar ghost hunter Don Kanonji is coming to film in Karakura Town! “Your town is super haunted, you know,” he told reporters, probably kidding.


6. SUPER FANS INTERRUPT DON KANONJI EVENT

A group of teen “super fans” rushed the stage at Don Kanonji’s live event. They are all reportedly high school students who really wanted to get on camera.


7. #AFROGHOST TRENDING

Reports of a mysterious flying man with an afro continue to circle, despite a complete lack of concrete evidence for his existence. “Maybe all of the gas leaks are causing mass hallucinations,” suggested the chief of police.


8. DO YOU KNOW WHERE YOUR TEEN IS?

Karakura Town High School is reporting a dramatic increase in student absences in the last couple of months. “Also a dramatic increase in mysterious injuries,” a teacher reported. “I encourage parents to make sure they know where their teens are. Maybe give them the ‘Don’t be a delinquent’ talk.”


9. METEOR CRASHES INTO KARAKURA TOWN

Early reports indicate that a meteor has crashed into Karakura Town, leaving a smoking crater but no actual meteor. “It’s an invisible meteor!” claimed one resident who is probably on drugs.


10. BREAKING NEWS: HUNDREDS DEAD IN MYSTERIOUS ATTACK

Hundreds of people - possibly more - mysteriously collapsed this afternoon. Fatalities are currently sitting at 100%. Residents are encouraged to stay in their houses and to not panic. Also ignore all of the dead bodies currently littering all of the streets.


11. NO ANSWERS IN MASS DEATHS

A week later, and no answers have been found as to why nearly a thousand residents dropped dead all at the same time. “Maybe it was a gas leak,” the chief of police said before collapsing into a ball on the floor, sobbing.


12. CHIEF OF POLICE RESIGNS

He vows to go somewhere where “gas does not exist.”


13. RESIDENTS ENJOY THE QUIET

After a tumultuous year, quiet has finally come to Karakura Town. “Probably because my delinquent students are mysteriously out of town again,” said one teacher.


14. KARAKURA TOWN LOSES TIME

Folks, today is Tuesday - and that is weird, given that nobody has any memory of the last twelve hours. “It’s like we all went to sleep at the same time or something,” the new chief of police speculated.


15. NO ANSWERS IN MASS SLEEPING EPIDEMIC

Security footage confirms that all Karakura Town residents went to sleep at the same time. This is currently being blamed on a “mass gas leak” because we just can’t make up reasonable explanations anymore.


16. WHY IS ANYONE STILL LIVING HERE?

This reporter, personally, is super moving away tomorrow.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Ichigo Don Kanonji Yammy Ulquiorra

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Nope I can’t write lists in the evening anymore guys. Sorry - I really tried! Today is a loss. I’ll pick it back up tomorrow morning

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Shinigami / Stern Ritter (non-romantic) soul mates


As requested by anon. :)

Even after all this time, I feel like I don’t really know the Stern Ritter very well. So this list of which Stern Ritter would be good (non-romantic) soul mates for the shinigami may display kind of shallow reasoning. But we’re okay with that right? Right.


1. Robert Accutrone & Sasakibe

Because what do we really remember about these guys, other than that they had a mustache? Actually, I had to look up whether or not Sasakibe had a mustache. I’m a terrible person. The point is, neither of these guys really had the limelight. Ever. But at least they have their mustache.

Sasakibe: …

Robert: …


2. Lilotto & Yachiru

They look like kids and they like to eat. Soul mates!

Liltotto: The difference being, I eat people - she just eats candy.

Yachiru: We could compromise with people-shaped candy!

Liltotto: Might taste better. 


3. Giselle & Yamamoto

I know that Giselle and Yamamoto don’t seem to have a lot in common, but Yamamoto has zombies as part of his bankai, which means that zombies are in his soul. And Giselle is all about zombies. I’m pretty sure that makes them soul mates.

Yamamoto: Uh…

Giselle: So do you like drinking blood too??


4. As Nodt & Hisagi

As Nodt is fear guy. Hisagi is fear guy. Hisagi has spiky hair. As Nodt has a spiky mask. I feel like they would be friends.

As Nodt: [holds out arms for a hug]

Hisagi: GET AWAY FROM ME


5. Haschwalth & Ukitake

I’m not going to lie. This is based entirely on their hair.

Haschwalth: That’s fair.

Ukitake: We have like nothing else in common though?


6. Bazz-B & Renji

I hate to be this obvious, really, but….they’re both chasing someone who outranks them, they seem tough but are actually dorks, and they’re among the first willing to switch sides when they realize they’re not fighting for the right cause.

Bazz-B: And we both have cool hair!

Renji: ….sure.


7. BG9 & Kurotsuchi

They both like to collect data, and their bodies can do weird shit.

Kurotsuchi: I am far more competent than that guy, though.

BG9: Hey!


8. Candice & Kenpachi

They both love to fight, and they both go straight for the top - both of them decided that the person they most wanted to fight was Ichigo.

Candice: But unlike me, Kenpachi’s fight wasn’t STOLEN!

Kenpachi: Yeah, he also never told me to dodge.


9. Ishida & Byakuya

This is assuming that Ishida ultimately turns out to be good, of course. In which case Ishida and Byakuya an important trait: they pursue criminally stupid plans in the notion that they have to do it for the sake of pride or whatever. Even if it involves hurting those they love.

Byakuya: Yes we have already learned this lesson, Ishida Uryu. Get it together.

Ishida: MY STORY LINE IS NOT THE SAME


10. Quilge & Soi Fon

Quilge likes to lock people in a sphere. Soi Fon like to lock people Urahara in a cube. Quilge might have more of a personality than that, but I really can’t be bothered to remember. 

 Quilge: I HAVE A PERSONALITY

Soi Fon: Wait, you’re one of the Quincy?


11. Askin & Kyoraku

Yeah…I’m super behind so I’m sorry if Askin has a different personality now but basically what I remember is that he pretends to be lazy when he’s not and he’s super tricky. That sounds like Kyoraku to me.

Askin: We also each got a surprise promotion, yeah?

Kyoraku: Mine was less of a surprise, I think.


12. Gremmy & Aizen

They both have incredible minds and they fight by bending reality - or by seeming to, in Aizen’s case. They’re both pretty sure that they’re the strongest ever, and they tend to lose it when they find that isn’t the case.

Aizen: DO NOT COMPARE ME TO A BRAIN IN A JAR

Gremmy: Least I’m not in a bondage chair!

Aizen: YOU ARE IN A JAR


13. Bambietta & Nemu

Able to casually kill folks. Cool with killing under false pretenses. And is horribly abused by the person who controls them.

Nemu: I’m less emotional though.


14. Cang Du & Nanao

All I really remember about Cang Du is that he was all, “No, Bazz B, I have to fight Hitsugaya because that’s the rules” in his serious voice. Nanao is all about the rules too. That’s why she was all, “No we have to kill Chad because that’s the rules.” I dunno that that makes them soul mates exactly but it’s all I got.

Cang Du: Oh I’m sorry…did I die too quickly for you???

Nanao: I feel like I’m less whiny than that.


15. Meninas & Matsumoto

I-I don’t even know. They both enjoys clothes and nice things? They both come across as being kinda silly but when it comes to a fight, they’re both very powerful? They like to fight cooperatively??

Meninas: And both of our names start with M!

Matsumoto: Uh, sure.


16.
 Mask &…..Rose?

Dang it I did not expect this to be so hard. I’m not even doing all of the Quincy and I can’t even get through the ones I planned to do! I mean, who is Mask like? Rose??? They’re both exhibitionists? They both like to win over the crowd? Do I remember Mask like at all?

Rose: Clearly you do not.

Mask: Hey!


17. PePe

damned if I know are there any shinigami who like to wear a diaper and float around talking about love I’m pretty sure there aren’t what even are the Quincy seriously

PePe: Sounds like someone needs more love in her life!

BLG: Shut up.

Filed under Bleach Bleachlists Quincy shinigami I'm running far too late to tag